Today is Valentine’s Day, the day romance is supposed to bloom. The day cupids around the world shoot arrows into tender hearts of men and women – suspecting and oblivious. Sometimes those cupids miss completely. Sometimes they just graze their targets, alerting the intended to something…but nothing definite. And sometimes, they hit the bulls-eye, and months later weddings are planned or babies are born.

February 14th is the day we’re supposed to buy chocolates and roses. Cards and romantic dinners. Candy hearts that come in pastel shades and taste like chalk or are tiny and red and so spicy your tongue sizzles and crisps the moment you pop them in your mouth.

February 14th. A day for romance.

Really?

In this world of high stress, of joblessness, of skyrocketing health care costs, of instant messaging, 24 hour news and constant American presidential campaigning – we have one day for romance? That’s our allotment?

Of course, we can express love on other days but no other day is quite so… hmm… obligatory. It’s like a school project you knew you had to do but had so much time to do it, you put it off but now it’s crunch time and you have to do something so you scrape by with a last minute flourish and pass only because you did it, not because you did it well.

What pressure.

Not that I would want to see chocolatiers, florists or card makers suffer on the one day when they seek to rake in the cash they didn’t rake in during the year, but wouldn’t it be nice if we – and our loved ones – didn’t fall into the trap of required gift-giving? Why not buy a box of chocolate on August 8th? March 23rd. A card that says, “You’re special to me”, on June 17th. Reservations for candlelit dinners once per month – once every three months. Why do we have to be reminded – forced – to say,  “I love you” on a given day. How true is an “I love you” that’s said when commanded? How true when it spontaneously slips through the lips of a special someone?

Some might argue that Valentine’s Day forces couples to slow down, to take time to express their love, to reconnect, rekindle. I would agree, though I find it sad we need such a forceful and commercial reminder to share special moments of the heart.

Buy those cards, hearts and flowers. Keep local businesses alive. But do something special, too. Something unexpected. Something to help you understand your partner in a more compelling way. Don’t just buy the commercial requirements of love. Reverse roles. For a few hours, do something he does regularly, let him do something you do. If you do the laundry, let him do it. If he cooks dinner, you do it. See what it’s like to be in the shoes of the one you love, appreciate what they do so often that it’s become the mundane and make it special. Show that you appreciate even those little things and you’ll both know the next time you do them that your mate understands… and that you’re probably a whole lot better at it than you thought.

Love isn’t just pink and red gift boxes. Love is a connection. A bond that we sometimes fight but holds tight.

If I were a cupid I’d be lazy too. Why flap my tiny wings and reach back into my quiver more than once per year if I don’t have to? The calendar says love should be expressed today, so I’d rouse early in the AM, aim my arrows and be done with it. Have you seen a cupid lately? They’re rather pudgy. They could use a little exercise. And so could we when it comes to love. Why not trick them, make them think love is to be expressed everyday – even if only for a few stolen moments. Make them work off those pounds. Fire those arrows. Stir us and keep florists and chocolatiers rolling in dough not once per year, but all year long.

Happy Hearts to you and to yours. Today and everyday.

There is much contention over the proper way to greet others and wish them well during this holiday season. For ages, a majority of Americans have wished each other a Merry Christmas. No thought was given to the receiver’s religious affiliation or lack thereof. It was understood that a Christian holiday was celebrated by all – or at least most – of those around us.

America is the land of immigrants. People of all nationalities, all religious backgrounds, all beliefs and non-belief. To assume our neighbors are as we, is to ignore the flux of time.

For some, I have no doubt, a greeting of “Happy Holidays” is meant to minimize the religious impact of “Merry Christmas”. I find that sad. There is no room for politicizing if one truly wishes another well. I do believe, however, that the intent to insult is rare so if someone wished me a happy holiday, I would simply respond in kind.

Which brings me to my salutation habits for the holidays. If I am with people whom I know celebrate Christmas, I am quick to cheerfully wish them a Merry Christmas. And when in the presence of people who celebrate Chanukah? Happy Chanukah, of course. To wish either something else would be the same as wishing a person a Happy Thanksgiving when it’s their birthday. It would not apply.

However, if I don’t know the person I am with – like just last week when I bought stamps at the post office – but I want to wish them happiness in whatever they celebrate, I will happily say, “Have a wonderful holiday!” or “Happy Holidays!” Most often, the response is just as cheerful and inclusive.

I live in a highly diverse area. I love the various cultures – the cuisines, the attire, the traditions and languages. The more aware we are of those around us, the more accepting we are and the happier our communities. Why exclude others – unintentionally or otherwise – by spreading joy of one holiday and not another?

From the majority of well-wishers, the expression “Happy Holidays” is not an insult but rather the opposite. It is saying I value you as an individual and do not judge you based on your beliefs when I wish you the best in the days ahead. So please, try not to be upset when people around you wish you happiness. More often than not, it is with the sincerest intent.

How do you wish others happiness this time of year? How do you respond to specific or general wishes for your happiness? Are you offended? Do you correct those who would wish you a Merry Christmas if that is not the holiday you celebrate? Or…?

Whatever the case, you now know my intent so I wish happy holidays to all of you. Whoever you are – whatever your belief – peace, love, comfort and health are my heartfelt wishes for you.

On this Thanksgiving Eve in the USA, I hope we can all take a moment to remember what others have done for us without asking and without realizing how powerful and selfless their actions have been. I hope we remember to thank the bravery of those who have stood up for that which we hold dear and I hope, do hope, we can somehow come together, united in voice and vision for a future without arrogance, abuse of power or disregard for others.

The quest for freedom shall never be squashed. Hope and determination has coursed through our veins from the beginning of time, and it will until the end. Bullets and pepper spray be damned.

This mother’s day is difficult for my family since we lost my grandmother just weeks ago. She was 95 and until about a week before she went into the hospital, she was as with-it as anyone, of any age, could be. She was the one we’d go to and say, “Can you remind me to…. fill in the blank… because I know I’ll forget.” And she would always oblige. My grandmother was my buddy, my biggest fan, my sounding board. The hole in my heart will never completely heal and, in truth, I don’t want it to. It’s my tribute to the love she showered on me. She left a gaping void and no one, absolutely no one, will ever be able to fill it.

So she will be remembered on all days, not just on Mother’s Day.

Which is what I hope we all do for those we love. One special day to show love for our moms is wonderful. Moms deserve a full day – and more – to be pampered. But shouldn’t we all express our feelings on more than one day per year?

Treat each day as Thanksgiving, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Valentine’s Day… and be thankful and thoughtful to yourself and all those around you. Time waves by too quickly to comprehend, until one day when you think back, you’ll realize and say, “Has it been that long?”

Don’t let it be too long between thank you’s and I love you’s. And don’t just use the words. Thank you’s and I love you’s come in many styles – flowers, calls just to say hi, a handwritten note, a visit, a chat over coffee. So many people stress about what to get Mom for Mother’s Day when, if you think about it, giving Mom just a little more of you throughout the year would make her wake on Mother’s Day knowing she’s loved not because the calendar says she should be but because you truly feel it in your heart.

Who could ask for more than than?

Another Thanksgiving Day has come and once again it’s time to stand back and take a long look at our lives. We have so much to be grateful for, so much to take pleasure in, and yet many of us, myself included, fail to see it and instead look for more.

I suppose it’s a sense of comfort that overtakes us. A sense of familiarity. And when, perhaps, some of our luxuries are taken away – maybe the dryer doesn’t work, there’s a long line at the grocer and the self-checkout machines are out of order, or maybe we run out of flour when we feel like baking some brownies – we forget what life would be like if we never had those luxuries in the first place. Like so many people in the world.

This Thanksgiving, like all, I am grateful for all I have that makes my life complete – family, friends, health, shelter, food… and a wonderful country, faults and all. I am grateful I’ve been able to travel back and forth from home to Colorado – again this fall – to be there with my mom while she battled yet another illness. I’m grateful for the doctors and for my sister – also a doctor – who helped my mom recover from a month-long hospital stay. I’m grateful for the craft of writing, that takes me away from life’s upheaval and helps me turn it into something more manageable.

In writing, I create hell for my characters. I deal them one adversity after another, make them suffer and decide whether to give up or fight. And in the end, I give them something for which they are grateful – a happily ever after where they’ve learned to bend, adjust and overcome.

To all of you, I wish the same on this Thanksgiving Day – a happily ever after you appreciate and never, ever take for granted.

The last time I was here, I was wishing everyone a wonderful holiday and here we are, well into the new year. The wreaths are down and all red and green decor stowed away until next year. There are no more candles in windows or gifts yet to open. And while some might see only cold winter days ahead, my hope is that some of the holiday warmth we all love so much has stayed with us somewhere, somehow.

If I’m to be honest, I’ll say it’s that way for me.

I was sick during the holidays. I don’t know how I got up each morning to bake or put on the Christmas Carols. But I did. I coughed so much no one wanted to share my space, and who could blame them. No matter how much concealer I dabbed on, my circles remained blue/black and my nose stayed an irritated red. Christmas day was wonderful despite all that – how could Christmas day be any other way? The day after, I crashed, slept nearly all day. There had to be  a way to fight off this cold/flu/allergy/whatever, and it seemed rest was it.

By New Year’s Eve, I was feeling better but not quite myself. My fear was if I didn’t get better immediately, I’d bring whatever germ I had to Colorado… to my mom. And that was not an option. I self-medicated, rested, drank plenty of fluids and washed my hands a million times. All this so when we flew out to Colorado for my mom’s FINAL chemo treatment, I wouldn’t be the one to stress or test her chemo-compromised immune system.

And so, in the wee hours of the new year, we boarded a flight at JFK and headed out there with hope in our hearts.

The first day was wonderful. My mom had one more day of Chemo, the next day, and then she would be done. With luck, they’d say her leukemia was in remission and she’d go on going on. We celebrated, rested, caught up on ‘stuff’ and otherwise had a wonderful time.

And then Sunday morning came.

My father, who has not missed a day of work in nearly three decades – and then it was only because he’d nearly died of blood poisoning from a severe allergic reaction to poison ivy – called in sick. Food poisoning, we all thought. Had to be. Anything else would be something my mom could catch, and that was simply not an option.

He was sick all day and we did what we could to keep him comfortable and my mother safe. Daughter, meanwhile, started coughing like I’d been just a week before.

Monday, Sister and I take mom for follow-up blood work. It’s not good, but that’s to be expected right after chemo. Her immune system is practically non-existent and will not bounce back for about a week. She has to be careful – wash her hands constantly, stay home, not go shopping or out to dinner or anything else that might put her in contact with germs she cannot fight off.

And so we go home.

And I start to feel queasy. Tired. Dizzy.

Father, meanwhile, has stumbled out of bed for the first time in 24 hours and has plain broth and white rice. I merely look at it and… I’m done. Food poisoning, it is not.

Houston, we have a problem.

The dreaded stomach virus.

All I could think as I wretched up my last meals was how this would effect my mom since she would be unable to fight it off. And then I thought of my grandmother – at 94, how would the stomach virus affect her?

Hubby, meanwhile, was skiing, because if you’re in Colorado and there’s snow in the mountains… what else are you supposed to do with yourself?

To sum things up… I spent the next 30+ hours in bed, unable to move or eat. Let me tell you, if there’s anything good to come out of having the stomach virus, it’s being able to lose those last 5 pounds so quickly… though not so effortlessly. :-/

The next day my sister calls. She’s got it now. By that night, I’m up but unable to eat. I scrub everything, washed hands, sheets and pillow cases. Everything I could think to do to keep mom from getting this, I did, she did, we all did.

Except hubby who went skiing again.

By Wednesday we think the worst is over. Daughter is sick with a cold but not the virus. Grandma is downstairs safe in her own living space, Dad is back to work, Sister is able to get out of bed, I’m eating again, Brother-in-law is feeling just fine and Hubby… is out skiing for day #3.

He’s no fool, out there in the fresh, stomach-virus-free air.

By Thursday morning, mom’s not feeling so good. We’re supposed to leave for home the next day at noon. By Thursday, noon, it’s clear she’s got it, too. And now panic sets in. She’s gone through four months of chemo without getting sick. We’re here, now, at the end, and she suffers this setback. What should we do?

I call the emergency number and try to calmly express my concerns. To my great relief I’m told this: The stomach virus is just that, a virus. It will have to run it’s course. If it were food poisoning or some other bacterial issue, THAT would be a major concern. This virus will have to run its course.

Hard to believe anyone would be happy they ‘only’ had a virus.

The next day, Hubby goes home alone. Why? Because he has events to photograph that weekend so he cannot stay. I cannot leave because mom’s still recovering. I also cannot leave because Grandma woke feeling nauseous. And Daughter? Well… she can’t leave because now she’s got it, too.

The next day proves even skiing and flying hundreds of miles away is not enough to insure freedom from such a wayward and determined bug. Hubby now has it, too. And Sunday? Brother-in-law is also out for the count.

And so… the moral of my story is thus… share and share alike. What goes around comes around. There’s no escape. If anything can go wrong it will. And any other Murphy-esque law you can thing of.

We’re all okay now and life has gone back to… normal (whatever that is). I’ve gotten back to my story… YAY! …daughter has gotten back to her schooling and activities, mom’s immune system is slowly rebounding, and the rest of the family is otherwise healthy and doing their thing.

Some more good news after all the bad?

My mom’s CLL is indeed in remission, and so, all that anxiety, all that fear and diligence has paid off. It might be for only a year, it might be for ten. However long it is, my hope is science will use that time to find a cure for this and other cancers.

Well, that’s my long, drawn-out story. I’m glad to be back. I’ve missed all my blogging friends and I WILL be visiting your blogs regularly again. <<hugs>>

Oh… and one more thing…

Happy New Year.

The holiday season is my favorite time of the year. It’s when I don’t mind the cold so much. When snow is actually a welcomed sight. When a hectic day isn’t as exhausting as invigorating. It’s when you know people will come to your home with smiles and evenings will be filled with warmth. Whether you’re traveling or staying put, the holiday season seems to bring out the lighter side in many of us. The side I wish we could all show and see throughout the year, every year. I guess that’s why this season is so special. It’s when more of us allow ourselves to let go, unwind a bit and actually have a little fun – without thoughts of our work load or overdue bills.

We were going to spend Christmas Day on our own this year. Just a quiet day – us and the cats. However, last minute plans have joined the ‘lonelies’ and so we’ll have a houseful of guests after all. I was out late last night doing a last dash grocery stop and I was up early this morning getting some of the food ready. Tomorrow, the good china will grace the table, the crystal will sparkle, and laughter and Christmas wrap will fill the house.

I wish everyone the happiest time they could have. I wish for it to last well into the new year – and hopefully beyond even that. I wish for all of us to slow down, enjoy more moments, realize each is precious and unique, and I wish for health, above all, for everyone.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Thursday… Happy Holidays to all. 

I received this in an email and am more than happy and proud to pass it on.

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn’t loud, and it wasn’t too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn’t quite know, Then the
sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

“What are you doing?” I asked without fear,
“Come in this moment, it’s freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!”

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..
To the window that danced with a warm fire’s light
Then he sighed and he said “Its really all right,
I’m out here by choice. I’m here every night.”

“It’s my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I’m proud to stand here like my fathers before me.

My Gramps died at ‘Pearl on a day in December,”
Then he sighed, “That’s a Christmas ‘Gram always remembers.”
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ‘Nam’,
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I’ve not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he’s sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue… an American flag.

I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.

I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall.”

“So go back inside,” he said, “harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I’ll be all right.”
“But isn’t there something I can do, at the least,
“Give you money,” I asked, “or prepare you a feast?

It seems all too little for all that you’ve done,
For being away from your wife and your son.”
Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
“Just tell us you love us, and never forget.

To fight for our rights back at home while we’re gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.

Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.”

PLEASE, would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our U.S service men and women for our being able to celebrate these festivities. Let’s try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us.

LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN
30th Naval Construction Regiment
OIC, Logistics Cell One
Al Taqqadum, Iraq

With all the chaos and horror in the world, we who are safe and healthy have much to be grateful for. I complain at times, often about limited time and the inability to write my stories. How petty that is despite how paramount it seems at times.

On this day I want to think about the simple things that make me feel whole and happy. Besides the obvious – a loving family and a roof over our heads – simple things like a beautiful sunrise, the sound of songbirds first thing in the morning, and even muffins baking in the oven make me smile and appreciate a given moment.

As a way to stand back and appreciate life more, we often take day trips. Our favorite haunt is any place upstate NY. Sometimes, it’s as simple as a trip to the Bronx Zoo or the Bronx Botanical Gardens. Because it was so beautiful and so recent, I’d like to share some images from our last trip to the Gardens.

We went there to see the Japanese Chrysanthemum exhibit. They were stunning. The tribute paid to these magnificent flowers is inspiring. The dedication in labor and time is hard to fathom, but the beauty of the effort is impossible to ignore.

After we viewed those awe-inspiring arrangments, we strolled the paths of the Gardens. Drying leaves crunched under our feet…

as water trickled over rocks in the river,

and ducks and geese cackled amongst themselves.   

At times, we’d stand in place, not moving, just listening. The heavy sound of winter-quiet filled the space around us.  

The air, so still, so crisp, teased us, made us think of crackling fireplaces and cedar scented candles. I thought of cozy evenings and pumpkin pie. I imagined happiness and peace for everyone everywhere.

I wish for that happiness. I hope for that peace. For me, for you. For everyone.

Happy Thanksgiving. May you have much to be thankful for now and always.

The holidays are such a busy time that we sometimes forget to think of the less fortunate among us. Many of us will stick within a budget, but still do our best to get something special within that budget for everyone on our list. This year, my family will be adding two special children to that list and to that budget.

We have no idea who those two children are. We know only that without us, they would have little to nothing with which to celebrate the holiday. While I know gift-giving and receiving is not what Christmas is all about, I have to say – and those who know me know this already – for me it is not about religion so much as about family. As a non-religious person, I want to give for the sake of giving. I want to share the warmth and love we often forget to acknowledge in our normally busy lives.

Samaritan’s Purse’s “Operation Christmas Child” will help us do just that. Samaritan’s Purse is a religious organization. In fact the mission statement from the organization’s parent webpage is this:

Samaritan’s Purse is a nondenominational evangelical Christian organization providing spiritual and physical aid to hurting people around the world. Since 1970, Samaritan’s Purse has helped meet needs of people who are victims of war, poverty, natural disasters, disease, and famine with the purpose of sharing God’s love through His Son, Jesus Christ.

I deeply oppose having someone’s religion pushed on someone else but what I’ve heard about this organization is that they often give out gifts in countries where they are not allowed to include any religious instruction. So, although this organization’s purpose is to spread the message, gifts given are not limited to that purpose. 

Bottom line with this program is this - through Operation Christmas Child, we have the opportunity to bring excitment, smiles and innocent pleasure to children who would otherwise do without.

So, what is Operation Christmas Child? It’s simple – it’s a gift-giving program for needy children around the world. To participate, all you have to do is find a standard-sized shoe box and fill it with small age-appropriate gifts like paper and colored pencils, tennis balls, rubix cubes and other stocking-stuffer-type items children will enjoy. You wrap the bottom and cover of the shoe box separately, enclose a $7.00 check (for shipping to the country where “your” child lives) and drop it off at a local drop center (or ship it directly to Samaritan’s Purse).

The mission of Samaritan’s Purse is to spread the word of God. The mission of my family is to spread the word of hope, of happiness and of life’s simple pleasures.

Go, and do likewise.